By
R.J. Millar
(A parody of Tim Burton’s “The Nightmare before Christmas”)
T’was late in the night one All Hallows’ Eve,
As October winds blew with a chill.
Through the halls and the walls, a ghost did float,
In his mansion upon the hill.
Donning a top hat and polka-dot bow tie,
Folks called him Sam McAbre.
And he was fondly reminiscing on this very night
Of his recent scaring job.
“This year’s been a blast!” he sighed with delight.
“To see trick-or-treaters run screaming with fright.
To hear their shrieks of terror sweetly resound,
Especially with that whole clown ordeal going around.
How I wish to do it again, just once more,
‘Coz to wait for next year is going to be a bore.”
A month had now passed, Sam’s mood was now dull,
If he had bones he’d be bored out of his ethereal skull.
Until around late November he began to see
Stores stocking up wreaths and big Christmas trees.
Soon he found himself surrounded by holiday cheer,
Yet he still longed for HIS day in the following year.
It was then at that moment, he thought of an idea!
“Y'know, since 'tis the season... I'll have some fun!”
Thus, his holiday shopping spree had just begun.
He took novelties and knick-knacks and all kinds of toys,
He took things that all kinds of kids might enjoy.
He took holiday merchandise from every shop and stall,
Though he hardly even bothered to pay for it all.
When security tried to stop him though, he simply scared them away,
Thus, letting him off free with his Christmas array.
Then at last with his yuletide goods all in tow,
He carried them all off to his dark, dank abode.
Night after night and day after day,
Sam sat in his basement as he toiled away.
Modifying each gift and toy he had got,
All as a part of his holiday plot.
To give kids a Christmas they’d never forget,
Making it a most unexpectedly gruesome one yet.
He worked hours on end ‘till his handiwork was done,
Soon the gifts were all ready for Sam’s Christmas run.
And though Sam thought his craftsmanship was indeed quite terrific,
In truth, his presents looked all more horrific.
He was all packed and ready on Christmas Eve day,
As he chained up his toy sack to an old wagon-sleigh.
Sam then thought, “To get with the season, I’ll wear something more ‘jolly’”.
And on his hat, he stuck a small piece of holly.
And after colouring his bow tie with a proper Xmas hue,
He finally declared: “Now I got some holiday spooking to do!”
And as he set off on his ghostly trip,
He took to the air, sleigh’s traces in his grip.
T’was the night before Christmas and all through the streets,
All the folks would be in for a “ghoul”-tide treat.
The kids in their PJs, all ready for bed,
Unaware of the horrors that would come ride overhead.
The winds blotting moonlight with thick, inky clouds
Were accompanied by odd noises that rang out aloud.
What should have been Santa’s "ho-hos" were instead moans and cackles,
And instead of sleighbells were old chains and shackles.
And what to their concerning eyes should appear,
But an old wagon-sleigh, yet no reindeer.
But a freakish phantom figure floating through the sky,
And they realised in that moment, “This can’t be the right guy!”
From home to home, with devious joy,
Sam cheerily withdrew each gift and each toy.
Through district and avenue, with grisly intentions,
He left presents that seemed from underworldly dimensions!
Despite that the town was in abject terror,
Sam carried on his role as the old present bearer.
He visited the Pines twins, Mabel and Dipper,
They got a live action figure set of Jack the Ripper.
(And by live, I mean that literally!)
Then on to the home where the Crystal Gems dwelled,
As Steven got a toy puppy from the deep bowels of HELL!
A nightmarish mini-train with rollercoaster tracks,
A Voorhees bobble-head wielding an axe,
A bloody baseball bat embedded with large nails,
And a banshee Barbie doll emitting death wails.
Soon shrieks of panic were heard through the land,
Which was exactly what Sam McAbre had indeed planned.
And as he saw the commotion and mayhem below,
On his face grew a smile like a Jack-O-Lantern glow.
“Just listen to that!” he grinned. “Music to my ears,
I guess I had a pretty great Christmas this year!”
After dropping off his last present, he took off into the night,
And they heard him cackle, “Happy Horror-days to all and to all a ghastly fright!”
THE END